What kind of experience is it to have an ＂emotional baby＂ around you？

Original yi psychology

I don’t know if there have been such people around you:

TA often can’t control his emotions, and his mind is like a child;

If you are slightly dissatisfied, you will make a fuss and even cry;

In order to achieve their own goals, completely ignore the feelings of others.

TA is always self-centered, hoping that everyone can turn around themselves;

Lack of sense of boundaries and rules, and no moral concept.

If the above situation is basically consistent, then you are likely to encounter an "emotional giant baby."

If you make friends with such people, you will always feel very embarrassed, and you will often be regarded as a "punching bag" for no reason. At many times, you even want to sever the relationship with TA directly.

If you are lovers, couples or family members with such people, you may suffer from "emotional attacks" from TAs every day, live on the verge of collapse and fall into huge mental internal friction.

Those who are hurt often want to resist and leave, but they are in a dilemma because it is difficult to give up this relationship.

So, how was the emotional giant baby born?

What should we do when we meet an emotional baby?

Today, I want to talk to you about the "emotional babies" in my life.

A few years ago, a hot word appeared on the internet-giant baby, which is used to describe adults who have grown up in appearance but are still stuck in infancy.

Later, someone put forward the concept of "emotional giant baby" based on this.

Psychologically speaking, emotional-intelligence-deficiency (EID) refers to people who lack "emotional intelligence", including lack of self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management.

Harvard university psychology tutor kato terzo once said:

"When you ask a person by adult standards, his mood is more unstable than that of a three-year-old child. This is the emotional giant baby."

Why is it so painful to get along with emotional giant babies?

Because TAs always test the people around them step by step by asking for it.

People who have been with TAs are often tortured and their mental energy is consumed a little.

1, often emotional out of control, hurt the innocent.

The most typical feature of emotional giant babies is that they can’t control their emotions.

In life, once something unexpected happens, people will lose control of their emotions, produce excessive behaviors, and vent their emotions, often affecting innocent people.

For example, I have a former colleague who was told a few words by the leader once when the project was not completed. After coming out of the conference room, he suddenly went crazy and kicked the door and smashed things.

I gently reminded him: "Now everyone is working."

Unexpectedly, my colleague immediately swore at me: "Who are you to teach me a lesson? ！”

After being scolded for no reason, I can’t calm down and go to work for a long time.

Nowadays, people are generally under great pressure, and normal emotional expression is completely understandable.

But sometimes, even adults have no basic stability and self-control, and it is unnecessary to hurt the innocent.

2. Self-centered, thinking that everyone should submit to TA.

Emotional giant babies often have very strong emotional needs, and they are eager to get attention, recognition and praise from others.

Once the demand is not met, it will be dissatisfied and angry.

For example, through extreme behaviors such as shouting, crying or physical conflict, I try to make people around me yield or give in in an unreasonable way to achieve my own goals.

Yesterday, a friend of mine refused an aunt’s request to give up her seat on the subway because of a fever.

Even if a friend explained that she was uncomfortable, the aunt still stubbornly stuck and loudly accused her:

"Do you still have a sense of public morality? A young man has the nerve to grab a seat with us old people?"

At this time, a kind-hearted man stood up and spoke for my friend: "I don’t think she looks very well, so just let her sit down for a while."

Who would have thought that this aunt was even more furious, sitting directly on the ground and splashing, and took out her mobile phone and said that she would film them all for exposure.

This kind of person is not uncommon in life.

If we try to put facts and reason with TA, it is no less than adding fuel to the fire.

Because in the TA’s code, self is the biggest, and no one is allowed to refute it.

3, regardless of other people’s feelings, lack of empathy

Emotional giants are always immersed in their own emotions and turn a blind eye to the suffering of others.

At the same time, they often lack sense of responsibility and willpower, are unwilling to take responsibility, face challenges and problems, often rely on others, and find it difficult to think about problems and grow themselves.

For example, once, I had a school sister who asked me to help her write a paper report.

I said, "I work overtime every day and have no time to write."

She actually said, "Aren’t you on weekends? And your writing is so good that it will definitely be done soon! "

"Then your own Baidu is not faster?" I asked her.

"Don’t you know that the paper should be checked again?" She answered me in a questioning tone.

I was completely speechless and ignored her for a long time.

As a result, she sent a sentence: "I have always regarded you as my best teacher and sister, and I am not willing to help you with this little favor. I have misjudged you!"

Then he blacked me out.

If you get along with the emotional giant baby, you will fall into self-denial and doubt if you don’t pay attention, and you will feel that you have done something wrong or that you are not a "good person".

4, will only absorb the spiritual energy of others, unable to provide emotional value.

Emotional giants often need others to provide emotional value, but they don’t know how to make others happy.

Colleagues told me that she had a baby, that’s all.

When going out with her, always take good care of her, even wait on her, carefully observe her emotions every time, and obey all her arrangements. Only when she is happy can everyone continue to play.

When I am with her, the atmosphere is very strange, and everyone always has a bad time.

Once several of their friends traveled to Xiamen together, and they disagreed on whether to take a bus or take a taxi. Others did not accept her proposal to take a bus.

So during the next trip, she put on a bad face, sulked and didn’t talk, which made everyone very embarrassed.

Later, other friends couldn’t stand her temper, and after this trip, they didn’t associate with her for a long time.

Emotional giant babies are like this, and TAs have a heart that will never be hot.

Cool thin personality, it is difficult to perceive other people’s emotions.

TA people only care about themselves and always take others’ efforts for granted.

But in fact, whether it is between friends or family, the emotional value provided should be two-way.

It is difficult to maintain this relationship if only one party continues to support.

Although most people in the world are afraid of dealing with "emotional giant babies", they don’t know why.

The reasons behind this may be these two points:

1. Unhealthy childhood experiences

All-round narcissism is a psychology that everyone has in early infancy, and its formation period is about the first two years of life.

During this time, babies will feel that they are omnipotent. TA people think:

When I think about it, the world (mother or other caregivers) that is completely integrated with me will operate according to my wishes.

At this stage, it is necessary for the nurturers to respond to the baby’s needs and satisfaction in time and form a "safe attachment relationship", so as to develop the child’s sense of security and trust in people.

Psychologist Ainsworth found that:

If a child fails to get the corresponding sense of security during the period of all-round narcissism, then in the future, TAs are likely to show "giant baby psychology". It is easy to encounter difficulties in interpersonal relationships and intimate relationships, and even enter the relationship between control and being controlled.

Therefore, the "emotional giant baby" may have experienced an unstable, unsafe or unsupported childhood environment, lacking emotional stability and an appropriate emotional adjustment model.

2. Overindulgence of the nurturers

The stage of self-differentiation is the development stage after the stage of all-round narcissism, which mainly occurs between the ages of 1 and 3, and is also considered as a key period of personality development.

At this stage, children gradually realize that they are an individual with their own desires and needs, learn to act independently and make decisions, and establish a positive interactive relationship with the outside world.

Overindulgent parents (or other caregivers in the family) easily create an inappropriate environment in the stage of children’s self-differentiation.

If the nurturers excessively intervene and direct the children’s behavior, the children will not be able to explore and develop their independence and autonomy, and it will be difficult to establish correct identity cognition and healthy interpersonal relationships. When they grow up, they will easily become "emotional giant babies".

This kind of behavior is often manifested in paying too much attention to children’s needs and wishes, not giving children enough room for self-growth, and even always treating children as "tools" to realize their own needs and expectations.

On the one hand, the reason for the "emotional giant baby" may be that the needs of TAs in infancy have not been well responded. On the other hand, it may be that TAs have been "over-raised" during their growth.

But in either case, the ending is regrettable.

Someone asked:

What should I do if I meet a lover or friend of "emotional giant baby" type?

My answer is: run as far away as possible.

In the face of emotional giant baby, many people will fall into the mentality of "I can save TA" at first.

But the ending is often a failure.

After all, living with an emotional baby is like doing an unpaid job for 24 hours. There is no return, only pay, and "Boss" will not be moved.

If you get along with TAs with salvation, you will only get deeper harm in the end.

Therefore, it is not recommended to communicate with emotional giant babies for a long time.

However, we can choose our lovers and friends, but we can’t choose our own family.

Then, when your family has the symptoms of "emotional giant baby" and you can’t stay away, you can try the following two methods:

1, the establishment of psychological boundaries, and the other clear rules.

When we get along with emotional giant babies, we can’t indulge excessively and blindly meet the expectations and requirements of TAs.

When you get along with TAs, you need to set rules, let them know your bottom line and expectations, and ask them to take their responsibilities.

When things happen, when TAs find that their unreasonable troubles don’t work, they will form memories and may be able to change.

2. Don’t criticize excessively, and encourage TAs to seek help.

When you get along with the emotional giant baby, you must not be the agent of TA’s emotional out of control.

Although the words of TAs may make you feel hurt or angry, don’t overreact or blame emotionally, because it will often backfire and have a more serious impact on you.

Therefore, you can try to keep yourself away from the current environment and give TAs time and space to restore calm and rationality.

At the same time, we can encourage TAs to seek help and let them know that it takes courage and perseverance to get out of the role of "emotional giant baby", and seeking professional help can help TAs recover their healthy psychology and harvest normal relationships more quickly.

For example, actively participate in some emotional management courses and seek psychological counseling.

Generally speaking, getting along with emotional giant babies requires more patience and compassion.

The key is to keep a clear head and maintain your emotional and psychological stability.

At the same time, we should always pay attention to our mental health, often carry out positive self-suggestion and self-dialogue, and don’t doubt ourselves because of other people’s wrong actions, and don’t pay for other people’s emotions.

Finally, I want to say:

"We are not a ship experiencing a storm, we are learning how to sail."

People who are forced to become "emotional giant babies" because of past trauma;

Or someone who has been hurt by "emotional giant baby" and lost confidence in the relationship.

When we always maintain our hard work and perseverance, we will become better people and create the life we want.

The darkness will pass, the storm will pass, and everything will be fine together.

The world and I love you.

Author: Jia Lin

Editor: a fleshy, Jessica

Source: unsplash

Read the original text